Mistakes
by swinglifeawayxx
Summary: Do you remember when you decided that dreams were unimportant, unrealistic? Do you remember watching your summer nights pass in a blur of smoke and screams and laughter and tears and emptiness? Do you remember? I do. - dark themes.


**important a/n**: this story is very personal to me. this is (and i am ashamed to admit it) the direction i feel like my life has been spiraling into. this is the reason why i haven't been on fanfiction, and i haven't been in touch, and it seems like i've disappeared into nothingness. this year, i lost my way. but my life began drifting a bit. i've tried to pretend it's not a big deal, and that this isn't necessarily a bad thing - only a normal one. i guess in some ways it is, but i need to tell someone about it. you guys are my confidantes.

this memoir of sorts is reflection of my life at the moment, through mitchie's eyes. mitchie's or miley's or whoever's eyes you want to see it through. thank you for your everlasting support. more stories are being formulated and planned right now, and should be here soon.

i only have one request: **please read the lyrics between the writing. they explain a lot.  
**

* * *

**_mistakes__**

swinglifeawayxx

* * *

**suggested soundtrack; **_"acoustic #3" - _goo goo dolls - that's the gorgeous song that inspired this piece, and the lyrics in it.

* * *

_**They painted up your secrets  
With the lies they told to you  
And the least they ever gave you  
Was the most you ever knew  
**_

Do you remember when you realized that growing older is dangerous? Can you recall when your parents stopped sheltering you with gentle white lies, stopped protecting you by hiding the truth? Can you pick out that one moment when everything changed, when your parents said "clean up your own messes"? Can you remember when you were left accountable for your actions?

Do you remember when fun stopped being walking around giggling about lip gloss and boys and the latest celebrity gossip? Do you remember when fun started to become scary, marked by flaming touches and bottles and kisses and dark corners of the world? Do you remember when fun started to be lying to your parents and sneaking bottles from your parents' liquor cabinet?

Do you remember when fun became darkness?

_**And I wonder where these dreams go  
When the world gets in your way  
What's the point in all this screaming  
No one's listening anyway**_

Do you remember those cold winter nights, huddled together under the dark cover of the trees in a quiet park you were never supposed to be at in the first place? The numb fingers fumbling for something, _anything_ to get you warm, to get you away from your world. The glass bottles that click so tantalizingly against one another, the bottles that feel so cold and forbidden against your inexperienced lips, the temptation of the glass and the sin inside of it.

Do you remember the burn as that liquid sin slid down your throat, pooling warmth deep inside of you? The spluttering, the choking, the laughter, the older, more experienced girl commanding you to "stop choking, bitch," because it makes you look young. Everything Is new and exciting, and so _wrong_ that you forget for a moment how badly it can hurt you, how quickly you can get in over your head. And you do.

And then _he_ is there, with warm hands and lips chapped from the cold, and he warms you up from the inside out. Do you remember him pulling you down into the cold snow, running his hands into your jacket as yours delved into his curls, his mouth exploring deep into your soul? Do you remember feeling the cold snow tangle into your hair and melt down your neck, melting onto your lips, melting onto his?

But no matter what you did, no matter what kind of fun you had, you had to come home.

Do you remember coming home and smelling like smokey secrets, and having your parents look, just _look_ at you like they know every little thing you've ever done?

Do you remember going home that night and dragging yourself to the bathroom, looking into the mirror and feeling _s i c k e n e d _at the ragged reflection gazing back at you? That scared girl with red eyes and guilty tear tracks staining her cheeks, breath smelling of sin and fear and mistakes, hands gripping the counter hard enough to turn her shaking fingers snow white.

_**Your voice is small and fading  
And you hide in here unknown  
And your mother loves your father  
'Cause she's got nowhere to go**_

Do you remember when you thought you were wanted? When you were sure that the ghost of his lips over your own meant something more than physical want? When you were convinced that he wanted you for you?

Can you remember the night that he told you that you were everything he wanted? When you believed that he held your hand and kissed your cheek and protected you simply because he wanted to be close to you? Do you remember the way his eyes lingered on your body, on your lips?

Do you remember him trying to take more than you were willing to give? Do you remember pushing him away in a haze of lips and limbs and broken thoughts? Do you remember his mutterings – _"you aren't worth this shit."_ Do you remember him walking away into the night, never looking back to make sure you made your way safely? Do you remember laying in the summer grass, staring at the stars, wondering if you will ever be good enough for him?

_**And she wonders where these dreams go  
'Cause the world got in her way  
What's the point in ever trying  
Nothing's changing anyway**_

Do you remember when you decided that dreams were unimportant, unrealistic?

Do you remember lighting that very first cigarette, and taking a drag, and feeling, _feeling_ your dreams slip away from you? And every single cigarette you've smoked since, every single drag you've taken, every time you've watched the smoke hiss from your mouth to form a devilish halo around your head - every time your dreams die a little.

Do you remember watching your summer nights pass in a blur of smoke and screams and laughter and tears and _e m p t i n e s s _?

_**They press their lips against you  
And you love the lies they say  
And I tried so hard to reach you  
But you're falling anyway**_

Do you remember when your best friends fell into the same downward spiral you did? Do you remember watching them fall and not being able to do one damn thing about it? Do you remember realizing you were falling right along with them, falling farther than they did, farther and faster?

Do you remember when he stopped calling? When he decided that you weren't worth this craziness, that he didn't want to deal anymore? That you were never good enough in the first place? Do you remember when he decided he wanted a different girl? _**Her – **_the perfect, beautiful one.

Do you miss his curls, miss those deep eyes, miss his familiar lips? Do you miss those cold winter nights when all that mattered was the two of you? Do you regret the ones you traded in for warm summer evenings full of smoke and lies?

_**And you know I see right through you  
When the world gets in your way  
What's the point in all the screaming  
You're not listening anyway**_

Do you remember losing your way?

Do you remember?

_I do._


End file.
